Test-Driving
a Cruise Ship:
The Carnival Valor
By Sue Mead and Holly Reich
As a 16-year veteran of assessing the automotive industry, and traveling
the world on 4 wheels test driving hundreds of new cars, I’ve somewhat
got the low-down. I know which cars are the fastest, what vehicles can
hold a gaggle of geese and goods, and which models have luxury cockpits
or cabins. Although I’ve ticked off 60 countries in my passport,
I had never seen the world from a cruise ship and, in fact, I swore I
never would. But, when my friend Holly Reich, travel, makeup and car reviewer,
asked me if I would embark as her guest on the brand new “fun ship”
Carnival Valor, I bit my lip and said yes. After all, I do like “fun.”
You’ve likely heard of the Carnival Cruise Line-or, perhaps, even
saw Kathy Lee Gifford skipping around these ships in her day. Well, much
has changed. This time, the ship’s godmother is Katie Courec,
the cute and smart co-host of NBC News Today. I surmised that this might
be a good thing, having been a CNN/fn correspondent myself and trusting
other news hounds to look for safe passage. (We report the news; we don’t
want to make the news.)
In
any event, the thought of being trapped at sea on a floating monster scared
me more than month-long jungle expeditions-- where a hammock was called
a “bed”; pounding your clothes upon rocks was considered “doing
laundry”; and cooking food products sealed in aluminum, with names
like Lancashire Hot Pot on top of the engine, was pronounced “dinner”.
But, I decided to take the challenge, and found out that cruising was
nothing like I had ever imagined. There’s a whole new language that
Holly guided me through (and I am an avowed wordsmith, so adding port,
starboard, muster to my vocabulary was entertaining). Plus, as a Type-A
Personality, I’m not comfortable unless I’ve written a few thousand
words every day and cleared my email numerous times, so I was thrilled
to learn the Valor has 100 percent bow to stern wireless internet access
plus an internet cafe--I was stoked! (Holly, could you nudge my deck chair
slightly to the left, the cloud cover has moved?!)
What
I also learned from my travel friend is that all cruise ships have a theme:
The theme for the Carnival Valor is legendary and real heroes in wall
dioramas along the gilded staircase. There are huge portraits of
Presidents and their wives, glass murals of Neil Armstrong and Christopher
Columbus, and a six-foot-long, seven-foot-wide eagle that hangs above
the atrium (Go U.S.A.!) But, it was the whimsical touches, like big floppy
bean bag couches in purple, acid green colored chairs in the buffet area
and pale blue rocking chairs around the pool that swivel and lean....ahhh
(now exactly what was that story I planned to write?!)....or there are
leopard print couches and ebony sculptures of lithe women wearing bananas
around their waists in Paris Hot, the Karaoke Bar that make you realize
that Carnival has something for everyone (forget those deadlines and ‘get
down’, I decided!)
So, was it fun? You bet! Would I go again? (Are you listening, Holly?)
After a few more jungle expeditions and off-road races, I’ll be ready
to cruise again. And, the next time, I might just leave my computer and
work at home. Forget that wireless internet! There’s plenty of time
for that once you’re back on land.
Carnival Valor Specs:
Price: It cost 500 million
to build
Speed; 22.5 knots
Weight: 110,000-tons
Length: 952 ft. long
Height: 13 guest decks
NVH (noise, vibration and harshness) It’s awesome. We hit some
huge waves off the coast of Nassau, but the “Fun Ship” is
so big it just rolls with the punches
In
any event, the thought of being trapped at sea on a floating monster scared
me more than month-long jungle expeditions-- where a hammock was called
a “bed”; pounding your clothes upon rocks was considered “doing
laundry”; and cooking food products sealed in aluminum, with names
like Lancashire Hot Pot on top of the engine, was pronounced “dinner”.
But, I decided to take the challenge, and found out that cruising was
nothing like I had ever imagined. There’s a whole new language that
Holly guided me through (and I am an avowed wordsmith, so adding port,
starboard, muster to my vocabulary was entertaining). Plus, as a Type-A
Personality, I’m not comfortable unless I’ve written a few thousand
words every day and cleared my email numerous times, so I was thrilled
to learn the Valor has 100 percent bow to stern wireless internet access
plus an internet cafe--I was stoked! (Holly, could you nudge my deck chair
slightly to the left, the cloud cover has moved?!)
What
I also learned from my travel friend is that all cruise ships have a theme:
The theme for the Carnival Valor is legendary and real heroes in wall
dioramas along the gilded staircase. There are huge portraits of
Presidents and their wives, glass murals of Neil Armstrong and Christopher
Columbus, and a six-foot-long, seven-foot-wide eagle that hangs above
the atrium (Go U.S.A.!) But, it was the whimsical touches, like big floppy
bean bag couches in purple, acid green colored chairs in the buffet area
and pale blue rocking chairs around the pool that swivel and lean....ahhh
(now exactly what was that story I planned to write?!)....or there are
leopard print couches and ebony sculptures of lithe women wearing bananas
around their waists in Paris Hot, the Karaoke Bar that make you realize
that Carnival has something for everyone (forget those deadlines and ‘get
down’, I decided!)
