Romantic Interludes
by Jeffery W. Petersen

Jeffery W Petersen takes an old-fashioned view of romance

I have long felt that the young don’t really understand romance.

I came to this conclusion on my thirteenth birthday, and now that another three decades or so has passed I am certain that I was right.

Look, envy has nothing to do with it - OK? I grant you that the young have a few things on their side, like, well, youth. But do they have the right attitude? Do they understand that you have to work at it?

We do, and we are prepared to prove it. Another glass of champagne, darling? Did you get those flowers?

Women have always had a penchant for older men who know how to be truly romantic. Men always have appreciated older women with style. For myself, French actress Catherine Deneuve instantly springs to mind.

It may be true that “in the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”. But mature people don’t wait for spring: there is nothing wrong with the rest of the year.

What makes anyone think that the young have a monopoly on romance? Your average student with money, these days, probably prefers to talk about the stock market, the latest take-over bid, interest rates, the bottom line. Not us: we talk about restaurants, fashion, music, candlelight, travel. We buy little presents and enjoy the pleasure they give.

Travel is a great aid to romance. There is much to be said for getting away from all the distractions back home - business, housework, children, rivals. A romantic interlude can be the start of a great relationship but it can also revive a flagging one. People invariably draw closer together when they go abroad. Shared experiences create a special kind of intimacy.

I know many couples who, after years of worrying about money and the children, have restored their romance by flying to some exotic destination. The pressures are off: they can relax, go sightseeing, sit on a beach, make new and long-lasting friends, and spend hours in some delightful restaurant discussing what they are going to do with the rest of their lives.

Often they go to places where they have been long before - perhaps on their honeymoon - and try to recover whatever may have been lost in the intervening years. It can be a bit risky, because the charming little resort you remember so well may have changed beyond all recognition, and not necessarily for the better. But the risk is usually worth taking.

It goes without saying (but I will say it nevertheless) that one should never take a new partner to a resort where one has been with a former one. It is a recipe for trouble, a distinctly unromantic thing to do. All those nostalgic recollections are bound to be resented.

It may be different with big cities like London, Paris or New York. They offer such a great variety of experiences that it shouldn’t be hard to avoid a clash with the past. But never stay at the same hotel or eat in the same restaurants.

For me, there is nothing like discovering a new place - or doing something new - in the company of someone you care for deeply. It may be a restaurant, a nightclub, a very special hotel, an island, or a country neither of you have seen before. It may be a city or an exotic hideaway. It may be a boat trip on the Nile, a safari in Kenya, or a cruise around the Greek islands. A touch of adventure adds spice to it all.

It is, of course, essential that you should both want to do it. There is no sense in dragging your partner off to a place which he or she is going to despise. A cruise is useless if the other person gets seasick. Trekking in Nepal can be awful if your darling can’t stand mountains or tents. River rafting in Colorado can turn your companion into a nervous wreck. Walking around the ruins of Greece or Turkey is fascinating if you like history, but bores some people to tears. Why take a chance?

The planning is part of the fun; surprises should be confined to smaller gestures, like champagne with breakfast.

There are some other basic rules. Don’t skimp; be as extravagant as you can afford to be. Romance deserves all the help it can get.

Try to avoid the big convention hotels; it’s hard to be romantic when one is surrounded by hordes of boisterous convention delegates singing the praises of the latest dental innovation.

Work on your sense of timing and humor; it will help you to cope with awkward situations.

Don’t attempt the impossible: there is nothing more ludicrous than an aging Lothario trying to prove to a new love that he can be as good at surfing, or base-jumping, or other demanding outdoor pursuits as the local competition.

And if you go to a place in the sun, beware of those powerful rays. Sunburn is one of the greatest killers of romance.

All this may seem obvious: I can only say that I know of many cases where people have either forgotten such simple rules or have chosen to ignore them - to their subsequent regret.

The sun is an important factor, at least for those of us who feel that we don’t get nearly enough of it. Grey skies make for gray attitudes. Rain is tedious; Gene Kelly may have enjoyed singing in it, but then he was alone. The sun releases inhibitions.

Clearly, though, there are limits. It’s hard to sustain a romantic attitude when skins turn red and start to peel off, or when it’s so hot and humid that all one’s energy is drained away. (Yes, I know about air-conditioning. But if you are going to spend all your time in a hotel room, there is hardly much point in going away.)

Most of us have a personal list of destinations we consider romantic, and things we want to share with the right partner. I still have faith in corny pastimes like riding a gondola in Venice and seeing the Taj Mahal by moonlight. (I haven’t done either, but I’m sure it would work.) But one of the advantages of being older is that one has had time to see more of what the world has to offer. So here is my own short-list - by no means comprehensive (I am not going to tell you everything) but a fair sample of places and diversions which I found to be highly effective.

The South of France isn’t what it used to be, but it still has great allure. Millionaires tend to do their romancing in elegant hotels like the Hotel du cap-Eden Roc, or in private villas, but there is much to be said for staying in a smaller establishment near one of the charming medieval hill-side villages and exploring the Cote d’ Azure by car. Lunch or dinner on the magnificent terrace of the Colombe d’Or in St Paul de Vence is a winner. Take my word for it.

Capri is the first island I ever fell in love with, and I know plenty of people who have become enchanted by it since - though the hordes of day-trippers in peak holiday months can be distinctly off-putting. Go in June or October. Italians, like the French, are very keen on romance and will generally do all they can to help, providing you don’t show interest in their own partners.

English country inns attract romantics from all over the world, including the French and Italians. I particularly like the Lygon Arms, in the Cotswolds, and Chewton Glen, on the edge of the New Forest. Both have that useful (some would say essential) quality: style.

If you need a setting with palm trees and golden sand it’s hard to beat the Caribbean. This is certainly one of the parts of the world where you can expect lots of sunshine in April and May. The smaller islands are essentially for people who want seclusion and tranquility, and of course there are plenty to choose from. Supermodel Naomi Campbell likes Mustique; Prince Charles once took Diana off to the discreet Windermere Island Club in the Bahamas early in their marriage. My own favorite holidays include the Petit St Vincent resort in the Grenadines, a splendid chain of islands with crystal-clear waters and dazzling beaches. I once spent a week sailing around the Grenadines (in the right company and in my mind, of course) and I would love to do it again. It was bliss.

I have also had a wonderfully romantic time on two small islands in the Seychelles, Bird and La Digue. The Seychelles certainly merit consideration if you are planning a summer trip: like Bermuda, they have their best weather between April and October.

Looking ahead, you might like to think about autumn in New England. It’s a glorious time of the year in this part of America. For an all-too-brief spell, the trees burst into flame-like colors of stunning shades. It happens in other countries, too, but here it reaches perfection - a riot of deep red, orange, and shining gold. Stay in a small, cozily old-fashioned inn and drive through the countryside or walk in the forests. Pure magic.

Then there are the winter months. At least, our winter months. Living in a city like London, New York, or Paris, one can easily forget that there are huge pieces of the world where the seasons are reversed - where it’s summer while we are shivering. Indeed, the concept of winter, as we understand it, may not mean much at all.

To us, the prospect of a winter holiday in the sun is especially appealing. It is, undoubtedly, a great help in getting a romance under way - or in keeping one going. (Why, you may ask, is this man talking about winter in June? The answer is that you’d better think about it if you want to get a booking at some of the more popular resorts in December or January. Besides, I promised to give you a list, and I keep my promises.)

I have already mentioned the Caribbean: there is no more to be said. If you have been there, you will need no more persuasion.

What about India? Some people can see only the poverty and uncertainty, the deprivation. I find it utterly captivating and splendidly romantic.

One of the truly memorable experiences of my life was a week-long trip through Rajasthan on the Palace on Wheels. Don’t be misled by the word “palace”: this is a train made up of coaches which used to belong to the maharajas and it’s not up to the standard of, say, the Orient Express. But it takes you in reasonable comfort through the lost world of the Rajput princes - India at its exotic and colorful best. The “pink city” of Jaipur. The extraordinary lake palace of Udaipur, now a hotel. The desert town of Jaisalmer, which is like something straight out of the tales of the Arabian Nights. Jodphur, with its lofty fort and grand palace. And, above all, the sublime Taj Mahal, surely the greatest tribute to romance ever built.

What about a safari in East Africa? Hurtling around Kenya in a mini-bus at Christmas, pointing a camera at everything that moves, may be an over-rated pastime, but even that can be fun if you approach it in the right frame of mind. There are alternatives, and you have ample time to find out about them, if you haven’t already done so.

The pleasures of a safari extend well beyond the thrill of watching wildlife in its natural habitat. The open spaces, the clearness of the light, the freshness of highland air, the sounds of the African night, the barbecues by log fires under the stars, and the endless and constantly changing sky all contribute to an exhilarating sense of freedom. Your partner will cling to you for reassurance as yet another lion or elephant comes in sight - what more can one ask?

A cruise on the Nile? Yes, if you are both fascinated by the past, choose one of the smaller tourist boats, and take your time. If you are going to see and experience the marvels of ancient Egypt at least once in your lifetime you might as well make the most of it.

Your bank manager or corporate accountant may tell you that romance is a foolish exercise. It doesn’t make a profit. But it enriches your life - and that, in the end, is what it’s all about, isn’t it?

Jeffery W Petersen is an Australian freelance writer and researcher based in Montana USA. He is well-traveled and has written for newspapers, international magazines and various on-line venues.